One Year Marriage Checkup
I’ve been married for just over a year so I’m still very much a newlywed. I recently started thinking about the things I had set out to do and be as a husband before we got married and realized that now was a good time for a marriage checkup.
Here are a few things for men to think about after their first year of marriage.
1. Do you have a vision for your family
What is your vision for your marriage and family? You may have started out with something in mind, but now that you are settled in have you lost track of that vision? Make sure you are on track with the plan God gave you before you tied the knot.
2. Dating and fun
It’s easy to slip into a new normal and get used to seeing each other every day. I think this happens to men without them realizing it. Are you still leading the relationship by planning fun things to do with just you and your wife? Keep pursing her.
3. Balance
Work life balance can be tough. Marriage life balance is tough as well. Take a look at how you are spending your time. You might think you have priorities for x, y and z but if you aren’t putting your time into those things then they aren’t really your priorities.
1. Check
2. Check
3. Check
My wife and I are going on 7 years and just have a beautiful 7 month old baby girl and this check list gets way more important when a baby comes along.
My wife and I have an 8 month old little boy…who doesn’t believe in sleep. After taking naps, balance in my life is key. Remember your first ministry! http://raisingchristianboys.com.
#3 is the one that stands out most to me. Remember to date your wife. The things you did when courting her are just as essential now that you are married.
Some good questions you pose….I’m a counselor, and wish more couples would be this proactive!
It takes focus and hard work to make your marriage relationship grow. I think having buffer in your life is important, too. An example of buffer for a dinner with friends, would mean that you leave 30 minutes before the engagement when it only takes 20 minutes of driving time. That way when the unexpected happens, you have built in cushion, so to speak.
Loved your first suggestion…create a vision! What a vital & often missing piece in marriage! Creating life with someone, I agree, requires direction & purposeful intent based upon the Word, God’s calling, & the vision He has put in each individual covenant relationship! Even Christs covenant with us has a purpose, (Jeremiah 29:11) “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ”
How much more should our marriage have a specific direction that two – as one are headed? I have been married 18 years and wish I would have ran across your blog at the beginning of our marriage! Would have made early marriage much easier. Lol Thankful that by His grace & leading; purpose & vision is now the thread that weaves our marriage together with Christ & makes stronger than ever! What a helpful post for others with such great wisdom & great advice!
I too am a Christian counselor and see many couples in ministry who are leading unbalanced lives. Typically, it is the husband who is more focused on what he believes to be God’s work than his primary responsibility to his wife and family.
I find that if you keep closing the gap between you that time just goes by and you get closer and closer.
To close the gap – Could be a smile, look, word or touch but in short it closes the distance between two people that are not taking up the same space…
A Godly man’s life is a ministry. His primary ministry is his family and when the core ministry is in place, only then he can serve God better.
One year for me in April. CHECK CHECK & CHECK…thanks for the post
Hi there, my wife and I will be 6 years married in July (2011); your 3 points pretty much hit the nail on the head.
We also have an almost-4-year-old son
so I would also add a number 4. about the influence we (mum & dad) are having on the child(ren), and the vision and goals we as parents set on how we bring up our children.
God Bless & take care,
Andrew
Congratulations on your one year anniversary! You are right, it is hard not to fall into a rut, especially when it’s been a few years. However, I think it’s also important that the wives put the same effort that we expect from the husbands…it takes 2!
If after every conversation you are able to make the spouse confident about themselves s/he feels confident to hide their feelings with their spouse, your understanding and tolerance for each other improves. if you are working as a team, then you definitely have a healthy marriage. the key is conveying the message across appropriately.
once bachleors now good masters….
Congrats on your anniversary! I am recently engaged and planning a wedding in the upcoming year. I am in my 30s so I have watched many of my friends, Christian included, marry and divorce by now. I think these tips are great and I will remember them long after I say “I do”. Thanks for sharing.
I’m getting married next week! These are some good thoughts! Please pray for me as I pursue the Lord and my almost wife
Great article, Thanks for thoughts pray pray then pray more marriage is not easy but with god it sustainable!!!!!
Praise the Lord, good to see you all checking the right points!!
My wife and I recently read, “Boerewors to Baklava, Gentile to Jerusalem,” interesting book about this families journey from South Africa to Cyprus. Includes some “heavy” things most pastors don’t dare talk about, such as marriage, divorce and remarriage. If you’re newly married and thinking of bringing up your children in His ways, this book will make you laugh, cry and possibly get you really wound up on certain issues…………….but it makes you think. http://www.thebarefootheretic.com
Good guy, good book and brutally upfront
cheers Ernest (keep loving your wives,guys!!)
great article